The List
by Windpheonix
Summary: Shiplife can be boring, but ever since that list has appeared, life on the Resolute isn't so boring anymore.
1. Chapter 1

The List

The Bulletin board was located just oppopsite of captain Rex's office onboard of the Resolute.

At first it was just the usual ship gossip.

Sabbac game tomorrow, first price the new poster of the Bolo team from Alderan or question for a double squad training.

But about two weeks into the existence of the board a small commotion in front of his office nearly caused Rex to turn on his heels as he came down the corridor from the mess hall.

He really didn't want to deal with whatever was going on, but to Corellia with it. He was the Captain Rex, so he straightened his shoulders and pushed through the crowd.

A thin sheet of flimsi had been pinned on the dark fabric of the board.

1) I really appreciate that everyone likes the new tools, but if they are not where they should be when I need them, whoever didn't put them back will clean out the droid's oilbasin for the next stellar cycle, by hand.

Rex recognised Skywalker's handwriting, but even machine written he would know who that came from. The General's curses had been audible throughout half the ship.

It was a few days after the first appearance of the list and the slug incident caused Ahsoka to leave her mark on the list.

Rex sipped his first caf of the day in the early hours of the morning when he caught sight of it; and had to surpress a smile. The shrieks of unholy terror had woken up half the Resolute.

2) I feel honoured that all of you include me like this, but from now on my quarters are only to be entered upon my, Captain Rex's or Master Skywalker's allowance. All items will be delivered to my desk.

2a) I am serious. It took me days to get the slime out of my robes. There are still hatchlings appearing out of somewhere.

As he came back from the mess hall after getting his second cup later in the day, someone had left another note.

3) It followed me home is no excuse.

Rex didn't know for sure who had written that note, but he had his suspicions. There had been something with an oversized arachnid a few days back.

The days came and went without another point appearing on the list, but then, just after one mission, there came a new one.

3a) 'They wanted to keep me' isn't one either.

3b) No matter how good the food was.

Ahsoka had stepped by Rex's office for a short post-battle discussion as she noticed the fourth note and smiled. Ox's squad had run late for pick up, and now she could figure out why.

After a short moment of consideration she pulled out a pen and added another note.

4) No matter how fascinating you find other cultures. Please try to refrain from summoning deamons in your quarters.

She thought the matter finished until shortly after point four had been added, other notes on the subject appeared in short succession. She couldn't figure out who had put them there.

4b) Also refrain from cursing your brothers. Not getting the last muja-fruit desert is no excuse for making a mess out of the quarters.

4c) Neither is trying to prove that demons or curses exists.

4d)Also no attempts to contact the afterlife. I am serious.

4e) No attempts at something that has not been proven scientifically possible, earnest or joke, period. The rookies in corridor three delta still can't sleep without the light on.

The last point had been written by Captain Rex. Ahsoka winced. What had happened there and how had she missed out on it? Whistling she turned to the mess hall. Time to find out.

After the shiplife came to a grinding halt Rex saw himself forced to make use of the board again.

5) If i ever find out who substituted the caf with decaf in the mess he will wish that the Kaminoans had forgotten to decant him.

After a moment of concideration he added another point.

5b) And if anyone should get the idea to switch to double caf now he will wish that the Kaminoans had forgotten to decant him and scrub the Resolute with his toothbrush.

* * *

**A.N.:**

This fic was inspired by Skippy's list, which made me roll on the floor in laughter. Thanks a bunch for the inspiration.

My appologies for everyone who is waiting for an update of Born To Live. It is about halfway done, but as that story really drags me down I needed something to cheer me up. Hope I could do the same for you, something akin to a one shot that could be expandet if you like it (hint, hint) seemed like the best choice.

see you hopefully on monday, Windpheonix.


	2. Chapter 2

Rex gritted his teeth as he introduced the next rule to the list. Cody had laughed himself dizzy at this one and he would not let it happen again.

6) You are a clone and no matter how much you may dislike it, pulling a Jar Jar will not make you a war hero. You are not a Jedi, stop pretending to be one.

Next one made Echo shake his head. One solo mission away and than this. "Either Fives did this or a shiny he talked into trouble." He mumbled.

A hand slapped his shoulder with a sound thud and his brother hung himself over Echo's shoulder.

"Nope, not me, but I will find out who it was and I will make him tell me his inspiration!"

"Oh no, you won't." Soon the two clones were rolling on the floor, just glad to be reunited with each other again. Rex, who had just finished a meeting with general Skywalker decided to let it slide and stepped over the two brothers on his way to his office.

7) Being woken for physical at o 'five hundred does not give you allowance to add your sergeant's picture to the wanted list of the Separatists.

Two days later Echo was seething with frustration. How had Echo managed this? He didn't know the handwriting, but he would find out and drag his brother to the clone and make him apologize.

7b) No adding identification of superiors to the enemy for any kind of reason.

A short time later, the resolute was being re-fitted with new front lasers long hours of nothing to do filled the hall and ultimately the med bay. Coric's usual neat handwriting was bunched up in frustration.

8) Duct tape does not hold the universe together.

8b) Ductape related injuries of a certain kind will no longer be treated in med bay.

The next entry had been done by Commander Tano. Coric had stumbled into her room, slightly pale and held out pen and a note for her.

"Sir, if you could add this to the list; perhaps they will listen to you."

Ahsoka chuckled and thanked him profusely. She had been itching to get something on the list, not quiet in this way, but still; it was a start.

8c) Thanks to the last ductape related incidents tape will only be handed out by Captain Rex, Sergeants Flight and Ryder.

The same afternoon Ahsoka had finished 8C, another addition appeared on the borad, apperently done by Kix. He had scribbled the note in bitween two other posts. No-one objected.

8d) Scratch Ryder

9) Stating Chain of command is a hamster wheel from the inside will not get you out of kitchen duty.

Why, yes, it had been a couple of very long, very boring weeks indeed.

Ahsoka stepped back, stepped forward and rubbed her eyes. Nope, the new additions to the list were still the same.

No wonder the captain had seemed so tense over the last couple of days. Perhaps she should share some of her chocolate with him and find out just what was behind this note.

10) You are no longer allowed to teach any animals in the Gar the Pretty Girl Dance.

10b) Neither are you allowed to perform it yourself, especially during inspection of another Captain or higher ranking. Do you want Captain Rex to suffer a heart attack?

Kix had to hold his sides, aching with laugher as a written apology had misteriously found it's way inside med bay. But no matter how amusing he found it, it really was no excuse, also, it deserved it's place on the list.

10c) Making Commander Cody pass put due to laugher is no acceptable excuse for number either.


	3. Chapter 3

After a surprising shortage of foil from the kitchen General Skywalker himself saw the necessity to take action.

11) Holos for the holo night will have to be pre-approved by command from now on.

11b) Hats out of tinfoil are no proper substitute for helmets.

11c) Neither should you wear them under your helmet, why do you do that anyway?

He was torn between laughing and crying after he got his answer. (A printed note that someone had slipped into his office at night.)

11d) Hats out of tinfoil do not protect you from Separatist mind-probes.

Coric had seen the need for a stern talking to his General. the only moment when he could work up the courage to talk out of turn was when it concerned the health of his men, because, well medics do outrank everyone.

And sleep deprivation could cause a lot of trouble, especially with men, who had been trained to be the best soldiers in the history of warfare since they could hold a blaster.

So, he added another note to the list.

11e) There are no Separatist mind-probes.

Coric had been seriously considering switching companies for the last days, right in the mess hall, and rather loudly as well.

Ahsoka stared at the flimsi paper as if it would answer her. judging from yet another of Coric's notes, she could understand why.

Hadn't the last two rounds of new guys had enough with the 501st? Rumour on Kamino said that shinies should watch out for their sanity and not for their lives in the (in)famous Legion; judging for the newest entry it looked like they should watch out for both.

12) Fuel for the y-fighters is not sweet and or a substitute for candy. Stop telling shinies that it is.

Rex scratched his head in wonder as he stared at the board. How and why? He didn't even want to know.

the captain was unsure who had added to the list and it was better not to ask. he valued the rest of his sanity far too much.

Yes, not only the shinies should watch out for it in the 501st, everybody on the resolute seemed to be going a little crazy lately.

Last mission on planet had been extraordinarily weird, as several new numbers on the list proved.

13) Members of the 224 may be called mud-jumpers. That does not mean it is ok to check behind their ears to see if they are clean and no disciplinary action will be taken if said stunt earns you an elbow to your gut (or elsewhere).

14) No matter how annoying you shiny is and we all know they can be curious idiots who ask questions rapid fire from dusk till dawn: Continuously telling him yes may lead to him trying to eat something he should not or accidentally causing a civil war. Try to remember how you were straight from Kamino, just for once!

15) On another note. Doing things like the above just to get on the list will end in you having your ass worked over so hard even your first year as a cadet will seem like a break.

Last note could be from Dogma; Rex allowed himself a rare smile. General Windu would have commented upon it favourably. It would make most men dive for cover.

Few times had the captain agreed with Dogma so much as here.

* * *

**A.N.:  
**So, yet another week where I take refugee from my main story here. (Sorry to everyone who is waiting for a update there, but damn, I swear it does not want to be written right now.)

Anyway, I hope you got a laugh out of it. See you later!


	4. Chapter 4

As stated earlier, Ahsoka had been itching to get a place on the list, but this was not how she had planned it.

Her master on the other hand had laughed until he could barely breath while Ahsoka's had blushed a deep, sunset red.

This was not how she had imagined her entry on the list!

16) 'Unboxing and uncrating instructions are always inside the box' does not mean you can open the box with a light saber.

16b) Especially if it has fragile content.

Two days later she had , again, to admit that her idea might not have been as good as she had thought. Grown men with the actual age of pre- and early teens did not mix well with free time. Especially if you trained them for war.

16c) you may also not be opened with two crazes of explosives, a rainbow coloured plasic gandark and a sombrr.

Rex had to resists the urge to bang his head against the board as he wrote the last note down. At least Cody had not seen this one.

16c) neither do we want to know what else you can do with these things and what they are doing under your bunk.

What had he done to deserve this? Went through Echo's head as he jotted down a note on the list. It was in the middle of the night and he had snuck out of bed to write the thought down when no one could see him.

Since he could not really think about anything (blasting Seppies was a good thing, wasn't it?)

He decided that perhaps there was something about that thing with the rebirth and hoped he had payed his dues with his brother for this life. Shifting from one foot to another he viewed his note and finding no mistakes decided to go back to his bunk, perhaps it was still warm.

17) Sweets are a thing to be cherished, not stuffed into engines.

When he strolled down the corridor the next day to check if perhaps someone had crossed the point of three different people had added a new point each.

17c) Even if you wanted to make caramel out of it; much lower temperatures, remember? You had basic explosives training!

17d) I thought we had been over this already. If it makes you giggle for more than three minutes, it is a bad idea. Don't do it!

17d) Just for information. Insane giggling is to be avoided at official moments.

Rex had seen number seventeen and children appear on the board before he got his third cup of caf and thought the matter done with for the day. When he returned from the mess and a short chat with the commander, she had changed her attire again, he found a new point on the list.

He inhaled his coffee and started coughing as his body tried to expell the liquid from his lungs.

18) Although the eyes of commando droids glow in the dark, they are no light bulbs. Please refrain from trying to take them out.

Two days later Rex was not in a laughing mood. Why did this only happen in his legion? Why?!

Shinies, that's why. He answered himself as he jotted down the next entrance on the list.

19) Moderate use of violence does not mean you should measure the diameter of the bomb hole.

Sometimes Coric was ready to lay down the deece and get lost in the confusion after some battle.

20) Circles of bantha blood do not work against commanding officers.

20b) Spring guns do work, from their use is to be refrained.

* * *

**A.N.:**

A dreat thank you to everyone, who reviewed, you make this fun double.

As usual, heavily inspired by Skippy's list, have fun!


	5. Chapter 5

Coric had to resist the urdge to hit his head against the wall. Why, how and what where the questions he really ddn't want to have the answers to. Some clones just had been too late to be decanted.

21) The saying: "Some people just need a high five, to the face, with a chair" is true, but should not neccessarily be know who you are and you should be glad that he does not remember anything.

Rex yawned and rubbed his eyes in an effort to keep his eyes from throbbing.

22) Every effort to make ship life mor bearable is appreciated, but keep you hands off of the caf machine, all it would make was herbal tea, again.

The next week Rex wushed for any kind of hot beverage, or hot meal. The whole mess had been shut down for an indefinite amount of time, or at least until they knew what else had been tinkered with.

The mood of the men could not be worse and Rex could understand them. He appreciated a hot caf at every time of the day and to any meal, but neither on nor in his mached topatos.

23) The mess is from now on off limits for anyone with tools. This will be enforced and if I have to search everyone of you personally before entering.

General Skywalker seemed to agree. He hadn't been to fond of the bitter liquid at first, but the time on the Resolute had shown him just how useful it could be and now he needed his daily dose, just like everybody on the ship.

23a) Agreed and because we need Rex to actually get things running around here, we will be taking turns if you dont follow 23a.

The 501st was stationed on a small, but lush planet. Wildife was small, non hostile and most importantly, tasty.

Unfortunately, regs kept the clones from getting a portion of the un-processed, delicious meat.

So when General Kenobi came for a mission on planet and he gave his Commander leave, Cody was surprised to see a fresh stake on his plate.

"Kind of against the regs isn't it?" He asked while sitting down at the table, choosing the place next to Rex.

"Well Sir," Hardcase started. "See this morning the Nunas got spooked by something and flew straight into the generator's shield. It seemed like a waste not to cook them."

Cody nodded his understanding and took a huge bite. He chewed and was about to give Hardacse and apraising comment as he bit down on something hard. He froze and spat out a small, metal object. It gave a small ping as it collided with the plate.

Rex groaned and glared at his plate. `Why me`he thought.

Cody chuckled. "Funny, a shield that shoots. This is going on the list, isn't it Rex?"

"Sure. You can even choose the wording if you like."

"With pleasure."

24) When you don't want your shot to be tracked, don't use bullets.

* * *

**A.N.: **Well, I didn't think my plot bunny would give me another chapter, but your lovely reviews gave it a reason to come out again, so here it is.

Thanks a lot. I am always glad to hear what you think. (Also, please don't ask what a weapon using bullet would do on a GAR base. My guess is some ARC or Commando brought it along, but let me hear your opinion. Best idea will be make an apearance.)


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